Archives for the month of: May, 2007

Uluru heart

I want to tell you who I am
but I don’t know yet

I want to take you with me, in a bag, on a journey
where should we go?

I want you to be there when I finally decide once and for all
that I’m coming out of my cocoon a butterfly

I want to love you
if for no other reason than to prove I still know how

I want to breathe in your many smells
and try to memorize them all for future reference

I want to exclaim to you that I have found my way
and that now, because of that, I feel ready to let you in

But it doesn’t seem to work like that
the “once this is perfect, then that can start” method of holding myself back from every single thing that means anything to me for fear of….well, just because of fear, really.

So now I want to let the ball drop
and trust and love
and love and love and love and love

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How I wonder of my home.

Like a 70s feminist, I want it all: the overseas life, the asian life, the city life, the hometown life, the across the country life, the little cabin in the woods where no one can find me life.

If I were paper, these desires would have ripped me to shreds by now. It’s enough to practice yoga just to prepare the body for multiple pulls.

Is it that I don’t believe in any one perfectness? That, not unlike a person, no one place has all the things that will soothe me like a hot bath or the grass under my feet.

Or is it even simpler than that? Is it that I just lack a sense of focus that others seem to possess that I have termed ‘rut’ on so many occasions?

I would settle for a rut in place and in person if only I knew which ones to settle for.