Archives for the month of: January, 2008

the light at the end of the tunnel

oh, disinterest!
how I laugh in the face of your plight!
may you swallow me whole and digest my remains
should my passion ignite in your vacuum
I shall be born again in the flames of my own fire

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all we need is

this is pushing and pulling
wanting to give but needing to receive
hearing the sounds, damning the music

is this what it looks like stripped to the very carcass
and wanting for a gown of silk and pearls
if so — then they lied
they told me it was bliss and redemption and size 0 jeans

and I was happy before, this doesn’t look
anything like I expected
in my selfishness I ponder solitude
the time when you never kissed me or looked at me that way
but before it became something I missed in the first place
something, that withheld, cut me into pieces

melancholy

endless winter that looks
and feels
like spring, stop taunting me
with your well-behaved afternoons,
your smug trickery, tempting me to feel as though
love blooms beneath your shallow topsoil
waiting to thrive within
the complex mess of guts and glamour
i house amidst my ribs
though i beg you not to forsake me, i feel it
only wise to remind you of my fragility
and the bruises that have swelled here before
in your name

Madnesses receded
Wrongs righted
Calories burned
Souls danced
Roses smelled

This is the life.  Consumed.  Every ounce of living exchanged for something that looks and feels a lot like a heart well fed.

I do not make resolutions. Not at New Year. Too much pressure. That said, I spend most of my waking moments thinking about how to be better, stretch further, love more, be humble, actually be who I am meant to be. It takes no beginning to do this but the one every moment presents us with. That is all. The grand hurrah we all long for is always there if you listen long enough.

Things have been ticking along and I have been putting in my time. My heart’s been growing a lot lately in a very unexpected twist. This is what I want for 2008, if I must follow this aberration to pen a promise to myself. I want to be as BOLD in love as I am in life. I want to remember to OPEN UP, not close down. I want to GIVE instead of get. I want to SMILE instead of pout, LAUGH instead of cry, RELEASE instead of cling to. Mostly, I want to REMEMBER that LOVE is limitless and that in every single rare and precious moment, so am I.