rain and light

I thought I knew what it was to love
to die gracefully, every moment making way for the next
to forget the longing and the madness that it clings to
to not crouch down into the deep of this darkness
and pray for someone to take all of it away
to shed me of the chains of my own design

though I continue, as though without effort
to be afraid
to isolate and ostrasize
to know that there is something beyond
and to fall at its feet, seeking shelter inside my humbling defeat

I have yet learned how to call for you
how to sleep beyond your affection
how to let you watch these tears fall
and not pretend it’s raining