do you think i loved you well?
i am certain i could have done better
for example, i could have loved you in a way that didn’t cause you to doubt yourself
it would have also helped if the mad velocity with which i wrapped my heart around yours
left even a hint of breathing room
i could have let you lead the way more often and not get all caught up in loving for the sake of loving
and then there is the matter of your heart–did i not make it feel as thought it had space for
all that was important to it, for all that it ever wanted to achieve
i could have toned down my wild spirit in the company of family so that the sheer contrast of dependence wasn’t so blatantly obvious to the entire brood
and yes, i could have been kinder; i could have stopped the world turning so that you had time to catch up to me; i could have hung the moon just a bit closer so the need for you to turn on the lights at night wouldn’t be so cumbersome
i loved you well, not as well as i could have, but as well as i knew
and it is only now, after days and weeks of the endless questions do i see what it is that i could have done to love you better
i could have insisted you loved yourself, deeply, in the pockets of madness within this human coat
i could have reminded you of what you left behind, and why
i could have told you i am but a mirror for you, a message scrawled in your handwriting, a heartbeat, a belief in a self beyond yourself, a creation of the moment, an explanation, a whisper that tells you of what you know, but have forgotten–that all i am is the love you can create, and in creating, receive