Archives for the month of: September, 2008

time to trust and let go

reaching for heaven

My love for you–
borne of the thunderous ache in the hollowed depth of unknowing,
the canyon of monotone echoes trapped in my vacuous core,
the trembling fear of my own effortless demise–
all of it erased by a swift hand in your compassionate abyss
And the me who no longer dreams of breaking my own heart
to justify forsaking yours tomorrow

watching over

You will call me and you will be crying.
Your heart having lurched into the deep well of life beyond bodies and minds.

You will have remembered when I told you, “a little of me goes a long way, darling.” When you tell me this, I will remember I said it and then retracted it immediately because in that moment your insecurity showed up and in my longing I wanted you to stay for a while.

And maybe you will have thought about what I meant, perhaps considered the vastness from which those words were spawn that cold December morning as we laid in bed flushed with our new love and brave (yet scared) by the endless horizon of its possibility.

Concisely: you were not ready for what you thought you wanted.
In terms of love, one must be ready for the flashpoint. You knew yourself, indeed. One more level removed, you needed to know knowing yourself.

So here we are–at tears, a phone, and your tremulous voice asking for forgiveness…of which, my beloved, you’ve had all along and never had to request. I did the asking for you.

banana love

Love takes off the masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. I use the word not merely in the personal sense but as a state of being or a state of grace–not in the infantile American sense of being made happy but in the tough and universal sense of quest and daring and growth.

~James Baldwin

snowdrops

Even if you can’t shape your life the way you want,
at least you can try as much as you can
not to degrade it
by too much contact with the world,
by too much activity and talk
Do not degrade it by dragging it along
taking it around and exposing it so often
to the daily silliness
of social relations and parties,
until it comes to seem a boring hanger-on

— C.P. Cavafy

the tie that binds

You can’t live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you.

~John Wooden